The Astrological Spread
Difficulty: Complicated
The Astrological Tarot Spread is based upon houses of astrology. This complicated spread takes several steps to understand.
The first step is to interpret the tarot card for each individual position in the spread.
The second step involves further examination of the main axes. Positions 1 & 7 show the relationship theme, #1 representing the reader, #7 their partner. Positions 4 & 10 indicate motion. #4 indicates where the reader is now, and #10 suggests what they are moving towards.
The third step involves breaking down the chart into triads according to their house elements.
Positions 1, 5, & 9 represent the Fire triad, symbolising temperament and personal development.
Positions 2, 6, & 10 represent the Earth triad, concerned with materialism, money, and work.
Positions 3, 7, & 11 represent the Air triad, which has to do with thoughts, ideas, and connections with other people.
Positions 4, 8, & 12 represent the Water triad, the realm of emotions, moods, intuition, and yearnings.
Further, other patterns and correlations between certain numbers can be noted. Certain numbers such as the set of 5, 7, & 8 often speak about a particular theme.
Your Astrological Reading
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1: Basic Mood
The average Tarowandian can spend up to 65% of its life span brushing its teeth. No matter what the fates bring, never forget to brush your teeth twice a day and floss. Also be sure to see a dentist twice a year to check for cavities, and brush your gums too to maintain a healthy pink colour. Red gums mean you may be susceptible to GINGIVITIS.
2: Finance
There is nothing that can't be destroyed by a powerful enough weapon, but be sure you have the right weapon for the job.
3: Mundane Life
Chaos is dangerous to both belligerents. If you have all the arms and all the thorns in the world, you're just as much a danger to yourself if you don't keep track of them.
4: Home
Thank you Mario, but your princess is in another castle. Besides, this one's blocked by a cypress tree fence. Lofty goals are nothing if you can't get to them.
5: Fun Things
Don't overlook a good solution just because it's obvious.
6: Work
Money is the king of all motivators. There is nothing in this world enough money can't buy. The people who tell you otherwise clearly don't have enough of it.
7: Partners
The BLOB! The blob has taken the streets! It's reproducing, the blob will kill us all!!! THE BLOOOOB!!!!!!!!!!
8: Hidden Aspects
D cups in this case. Don't be ashamed to enjoy your vices, and never regret the sins you enjoy.
9: Higher Views
Based on Canova's Three Graces. And don't say there's nothing to do in the Doldrums. Time spent doing nothing isn't wasted if it was enjoyed, only if it was miserable boredom.
10: Reputation
AKA Jack of Hearts in traditional playing cards. One eyed as a result. If the world seems backwards, it's not.
The world is right where it's always been, it's more likely yourself that's gotten turned around. Nah just kidding, the world's gone nuts. Deal with it as best you can and don't forget which way is up – It's the opposite of the way your tears fall.
11: Friends
8:00 – Card 1
AKA Temperance in the traditional Tarot. Male, Earth, Scorpio.
Stagnation, nothing moves, nothing changes. Barriers block every effort to improve or change, not that rock has anywhere to go. The elements and life move around it, grow from it, decay upon it, but it goes nowhere.
12: Hopes and Fears
A portrait of Anton LaVey, (1930–1997), founder of the Church of Satan and author of The Satanic Bible. Anyone else would be Blasphemy.
You choose who you look up to. If you look up to a musician who does every drug in the book and dies at 25 your results may vary, from admiring the lives of men and women who have changed the world, lived happy and died old.
