The Astrological Spread
Difficulty: Complicated
The Astrological Tarot Spread is based upon houses of astrology. This complicated spread takes several steps to understand.
The first step is to interpret the tarot card for each individual position in the spread.
The second step involves further examination of the main axes. Positions 1 & 7 show the relationship theme, #1 representing the reader, #7 their partner. Positions 4 & 10 indicate motion. #4 indicates where the reader is now, and #10 suggests what they are moving towards.
The third step involves breaking down the chart into triads according to their house elements.
Positions 1, 5, & 9 represent the Fire triad, symbolising temperament and personal development.
Positions 2, 6, & 10 represent the Earth triad, concerned with materialism, money, and work.
Positions 3, 7, & 11 represent the Air triad, which has to do with thoughts, ideas, and connections with other people.
Positions 4, 8, & 12 represent the Water triad, the realm of emotions, moods, intuition, and yearnings.
Further, other patterns and correlations between certain numbers can be noted. Certain numbers such as the set of 5, 7, & 8 often speak about a particular theme.
Your Astrological Reading
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1: Basic Mood
The BLOB! The blob has taken the streets! It's reproducing, the blob will kill us all!!! THE BLOOOOB!!!!!!!!!!
2: Finance
5:00 – Card 2
Male, Water, Cancer.
A victim, weakness, prey. To try and then to fail in the worst way hurts, but it's better than standing still or letting those around you dictate your actions. There are great ambitious lives throughout history now deemed failures, even some angels have failed. But failure nonetheless.
3: Mundane Life
There is nothing that can't be destroyed by a powerful enough weapon, but be sure you have the right weapon for the job.
4: Home
D cups in this case. Don't be ashamed to enjoy your vices, and never regret the sins you enjoy.
5: Fun Things
3:00 – Card 7
AKA Judgement or The Angel in traditional Tarot. Female, Air, Aries.
Birth, gain and success. To eat the apple and learn mastery of life and death. To nurse and grow strong. To win. These are all steps toward the goal but not the goal itself, to mistake the method for the achievement will leave one halfway there.
6: Work
AKA Jack of Hearts in traditional playing cards. One eyed as a result. If the world seems backwards, it's not.
The world is right where it's always been, it's more likely yourself that's gotten turned around. Nah just kidding, the world's gone nuts. Deal with it as best you can and don't forget which way is up – It's the opposite of the way your tears fall.
7: Partners
Tranquillity, calm, beauty, and for some reason I never understood, lobster. Don't ask me, blame antiquity.
8: Hidden Aspects
Regime change in action, it happens more in the sewers than the senates. One goes out, another comes in.
9: Higher Views
An homage to David Lynch. I don't know what divinatory meaning you might get out of a cowboy duel in a kitchen sink, but please do let me know if you find one.
Traditionally, it means romantic change is coming. If you're smart about it, for the better.
10: Reputation
Damn bright thing always vomiting heat and blinding light onto the populous. The artist of this deck isn't a fan.
11: Friends
If you're going to use a pool stick, first be sure that you aren't one of the balls.
12: Hopes and Fears
An Homage to Kurosawa. Seven swords belonging to seven Samurai.
In a realistic movie, even masters can die, and life has a tendency to move like the most implausible plot.
