The Astrological Spread
Difficulty: Complicated
The Astrological Tarot Spread is based upon houses of astrology. This complicated spread takes several steps to understand.
The first step is to interpret the tarot card for each individual position in the spread.
The second step involves further examination of the main axes. Positions 1 & 7 show the relationship theme, #1 representing the reader, #7 their partner. Positions 4 & 10 indicate motion. #4 indicates where the reader is now, and #10 suggests what they are moving towards.
The third step involves breaking down the chart into triads according to their house elements.
Positions 1, 5, & 9 represent the Fire triad, symbolising temperament and personal development.
Positions 2, 6, & 10 represent the Earth triad, concerned with materialism, money, and work.
Positions 3, 7, & 11 represent the Air triad, which has to do with thoughts, ideas, and connections with other people.
Positions 4, 8, & 12 represent the Water triad, the realm of emotions, moods, intuition, and yearnings.
Further, other patterns and correlations between certain numbers can be noted. Certain numbers such as the set of 5, 7, & 8 often speak about a particular theme.
Your Astrological Reading
| 10 | ||||||
| 11 |  |
9 | ||||
| 12 |  |
 |
8 | |||
| 1 |  |
 |
7 | |||
 |
2 |  |
6 |  |
||
 |
3 | 5 |  |
|||
 |
4 |  |
||||
 |
1: Basic Mood
2: Finance
Tranquillity, calm, beauty, and for some reason I never understood, lobster. Don't ask me, blame antiquity.
3: Mundane Life
Money is the king of all motivators. There is nothing in this world enough money can't buy. The people who tell you otherwise clearly don't have enough of it.
4: Home
The means may be grotesque, but if they get you what you want you'd do well to use them.
5: Fun Things
The average Tarowandian can spend up to 65% of its life span brushing its teeth. No matter what the fates bring, never forget to brush your teeth twice a day and floss. Also be sure to see a dentist twice a year to check for cavities, and brush your gums too to maintain a healthy pink colour. Red gums mean you may be susceptible to GINGIVITIS.
6: Work
9:00 – Card 6
Male, Air, Sagittarius.
Ceration is the alchemical act of adding a liquid to the substance while heated, yielding a softer substance with a wax-like texture. Not to be confused with alchemical union, but an important step toward it.
7: Partners
Regime change in action, it happens more in the sewers than the senates. One goes out, another comes in.
8: Hidden Aspects
An homage to Arthur Edward Waite, Aleister Crowley and George Sprague, the three revolutionary authors of Tarot systems that inspired this deck. Also, a very bad pun, apologies.
Life demands study, not worship. Study your problems, don't just pray for them to go away.
9: Higher Views
An homage to H.R. Giger's Alien Hieroglyphs and an insult to perspective. A wand that does nothing more than sap the life from you and squirt it down the drain.
10: Reputation
Heghlu'meH QaQ jajvam!
(Today is a good day to die!)
11: Friends
The tree of life doesn't play out flawlessly like it does in the diagrams. It's actually far more distorted than that. Don't mistake the map for the territory and follow books blindly.
12: Hopes and Fears
Da-Dling! Da-Dling! Da-Dling! Da-Dling! Da-Dling! Da-Dling! Da-Dling! Da-Dling! Da-Dling! Dzugdzugdzug.
Realistically, profit isn't hanging in the sky to be taken. If you take it, you're taking it from somebody. And you don't just get to smoosh them.
