The Astrological Spread
Difficulty: Complicated
The Astrological Tarot Spread is based upon houses of astrology. This complicated spread takes several steps to understand.
The first step is to interpret the tarot card for each individual position in the spread.
The second step involves further examination of the main axes. Positions 1 & 7 show the relationship theme, #1 representing the reader, #7 their partner. Positions 4 & 10 indicate motion. #4 indicates where the reader is now, and #10 suggests what they are moving towards.
The third step involves breaking down the chart into triads according to their house elements.
Positions 1, 5, & 9 represent the Fire triad, symbolising temperament and personal development.
Positions 2, 6, & 10 represent the Earth triad, concerned with materialism, money, and work.
Positions 3, 7, & 11 represent the Air triad, which has to do with thoughts, ideas, and connections with other people.
Positions 4, 8, & 12 represent the Water triad, the realm of emotions, moods, intuition, and yearnings.
Further, other patterns and correlations between certain numbers can be noted. Certain numbers such as the set of 5, 7, & 8 often speak about a particular theme.
Your Astrological Reading
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1: Basic Mood
The guillotine is the most effective method of killing ever invented. You can poison or shock or stab or shoot people but nothing is so certain to cause death as severing their head. Amazing how fast the world forgot that.
2: Finance
AKA 2angels1grail in traditional 4chan. If you're offended, figure out why you're offended and excise the weakness.
3: Mundane Life
3:00 – Card 7
AKA Judgement or The Angel in traditional Tarot. Female, Air, Aries.
Birth, gain and success. To eat the apple and learn mastery of life and death. To nurse and grow strong. To win. These are all steps toward the goal but not the goal itself, to mistake the method for the achievement will leave one halfway there.
4: Home
Nature grows in the most desolate, diseased places. Study how nature does it to survive your own climate.
5: Fun Things
Heghlu'meH QaQ jajvam!
(Today is a good day to die!)
6: Work
2:00 – Card 10
AKA The Wheel of Fortune in traditional Tarot. Female, Air, Gemini.
Symbolic of fate, and what is fate but change? Everything changes in time; change is the only constant. What one cannot control one must predict, and act in accordance with. Opposition to the inevitable yields only pain.
7: Partners
You can prefer quality over quantity or quantity over quality, but both are valid for different applications. Sometimes a lot of cheap crap does the job, sometimes fewer of the finest is better. Know which is which and don't mistake the two. When in doubt, go with tons of the best.
8: Hidden Aspects
This artist loves Thai food. Tom Yum soup and fried rice mostly. To be honest though I'm very poor at chopsticks.
9: Higher Views
Air conditioning is not a luxury, it's one of the most important things humankind ever invented. Comfort too is not to be taken lightly, if you aren't comfortable you can't enjoy what's before you, and if you can't enjoy what you've got, what's the point in living?
10: Reputation
Tranquillity, calm, beauty, and for some reason I never understood, lobster. Don't ask me, blame antiquity.
11: Friends
Thank you Mario, but your princess is in another castle. Besides, this one's blocked by a cypress tree fence. Lofty goals are nothing if you can't get to them.
12: Hopes and Fears
Don't overlook a good solution just because it's obvious.
