The Astrological Spread

Difficulty: Complicated
The Astrological Tarot Spread is based upon houses of astrology. This complicated spread takes several steps to understand.
The first step is to interpret the tarot card for each individual position in the spread.
The second step involves further examination of the main axes. Positions 1 & 7 show the relationship theme, #1 representing the reader, #7 their partner. Positions 4 & 10 indicate motion. #4 indicates where the reader is now, and #10 suggests what they are moving towards.
The third step involves breaking down the chart into triads according to their house elements.
Positions 1, 5, & 9 represent the Fire triad, symbolising temperament and personal development.
Positions 2, 6, & 10 represent the Earth triad, concerned with materialism, money, and work.
Positions 3, 7, & 11 represent the Air triad, which has to do with thoughts, ideas, and connections with other people.
Positions 4, 8, & 12 represent the Water triad, the realm of emotions, moods, intuition, and yearnings.
Further, other patterns and correlations between certain numbers can be noted. Certain numbers such as the set of 5, 7, & 8 often speak about a particular theme.
Your Astrological Reading
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1: Basic Mood

A portrait of Anton LaVey, (1930–1997), founder of the Church of Satan and author of The Satanic Bible. Anyone else would be Blasphemy.
You choose who you look up to. If you look up to a musician who does every drug in the book and dies at 25 your results may vary, from admiring the lives of men and women who have changed the world, lived happy and died old.
2: Finance

AKA 2angels1grail in traditional 4chan. If you're offended, figure out why you're offended and excise the weakness.
3: Mundane Life

Bravery and strength can get one killed, but they're still pretty badass. Don't fear what you needn't fear, but don't get carried away.
4: Home

7:00 – Card 3
AKA The Chariot in traditional Tarot. Female, Water, Aquarius.
To be used, controlled, or even simply employed. It's hard to work for the will of another, especially when the other is undeserving of their power over you. At the same time, the effort makes one strong.
5: Fun Things

Homage to Wagner. Brünnhilde lays asleep on the mountain surrounded by magic fire, waiting for Siegfried. Only he who wasn't afraid of Wotan's spear could pass the fire. And when that romance didn't work out, she burned down Valhalla and left Earth to the mortals.
Not everyone can have what they want. A man who can't sing isn't going to be the world's greatest singer. Know yourself, know what you can do, and don't squander what you have trying to win something you won't. But also know when to try, and what's worth never giving up on.
6: Work

6:00 – Card 0
Male, Water, Pisces.
Ignorance is a trait of the most basic. To let the currents of time and fate dictate one's actions completely, to seek the lowest, easiest path will lead one downwards. One's hunger will destroy what's beautiful, resulting in the squandering of things put to better use.
7: Partners

D cups in this case. Don't be ashamed to enjoy your vices, and never regret the sins you enjoy.
8: Hidden Aspects

I have no clue what I was thinking on this one. No clue, but if this card comes into play, remember to watch the horizon.
9: Higher Views

If you lost the means to do what you will, try retracing your steps. You had them before, you should be able to find them again. Unless they fell into the sewer, that would totally suck.
10: Reputation

The problem with a hand of glory is that wax melts and glory fades.
11: Friends

AKA Justice in traditional Tarot.
Not the scales of a common religious moralist and no longer a cardinal virtue, but the raw, heartless justice of nature.
12: Hopes and Fears

Money is the king of all motivators. There is nothing in this world enough money can't buy. The people who tell you otherwise clearly don't have enough of it.