The Astrological Spread

Difficulty: Complicated
The Astrological Tarot Spread is based upon houses of astrology. This complicated spread takes several steps to understand.
The first step is to interpret the tarot card for each individual position in the spread.
The second step involves further examination of the main axes. Positions 1 & 7 show the relationship theme, #1 representing the reader, #7 their partner. Positions 4 & 10 indicate motion. #4 indicates where the reader is now, and #10 suggests what they are moving towards.
The third step involves breaking down the chart into triads according to their house elements.
Positions 1, 5, & 9 represent the Fire triad, symbolising temperament and personal development.
Positions 2, 6, & 10 represent the Earth triad, concerned with materialism, money, and work.
Positions 3, 7, & 11 represent the Air triad, which has to do with thoughts, ideas, and connections with other people.
Positions 4, 8, & 12 represent the Water triad, the realm of emotions, moods, intuition, and yearnings.
Further, other patterns and correlations between certain numbers can be noted. Certain numbers such as the set of 5, 7, & 8 often speak about a particular theme.
Your Astrological Reading
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1: Basic Mood

An homage to H.P. Lovecraft and the culture that's grown around his works in the modern world. Charlemagne has been replaced by Cthulhu. Past insanity has been replaced with new insanity, but it's still madness all the same. Don't believe that just because it's changed means it's been fixed.
2: Finance

If you're going to use a pool stick, first be sure that you aren't one of the balls.
3: Mundane Life

9:00 – Card 6
Male, Air, Sagittarius.
Ceration is the alchemical act of adding a liquid to the substance while heated, yielding a softer substance with a wax-like texture. Not to be confused with alchemical union, but an important step toward it.
4: Home

Money is the king of all motivators. There is nothing in this world enough money can't buy. The people who tell you otherwise clearly don't have enough of it.
5: Fun Things

AKA 2angels1grail in traditional 4chan. If you're offended, figure out why you're offended and excise the weakness.
6: Work

10:00 – Card 4
Male, Earth, Libra.
Failure and Loss. Defeat and ruin. The higher it's built, the harder it falls and the more it crushes when it does. That doesn't necessarily mean it wasn't worth building. Defeat can be accepted and the ruins left behind in favour of greener pastures, or one can start to rebuild. The latter is more difficult, but often more rewarding.
7: Partners

AKA Jack of Hearts in traditional playing cards. One eyed as a result. If the world seems backwards, it's not.
The world is right where it's always been, it's more likely yourself that's gotten turned around. Nah just kidding, the world's gone nuts. Deal with it as best you can and don't forget which way is up – It's the opposite of the way your tears fall.
8: Hidden Aspects

Why in Pulp Fiction did he go with a Samurai Sword? He had a damn Chainsaw! Half the swords in pawn shops are cheap crap that'll break if you try to use it, chainsaws are dangerous, vicious weapons. It would have been way wiser and way cooler if he went with the Chainsaw. Way cooler.
That aside: It's about sacrifice. Nothing's free and nothing ventured means nothing gained.
9: Higher Views

3:00 – Card 7
AKA Judgement or The Angel in traditional Tarot. Female, Air, Aries.
Birth, gain and success. To eat the apple and learn mastery of life and death. To nurse and grow strong. To win. These are all steps toward the goal but not the goal itself, to mistake the method for the achievement will leave one halfway there.
10: Reputation

Drawn on July 4th to the sound of fireworks. Weapons and explosives are now components of ritual as often as components of battle. I suppose they always were.
11: Friends

There is nothing that can't be destroyed by a powerful enough weapon, but be sure you have the right weapon for the job.
12: Hopes and Fears

An homage to Arthur Edward Waite, Aleister Crowley and George Sprague, the three revolutionary authors of Tarot systems that inspired this deck. Also, a very bad pun, apologies.
Life demands study, not worship. Study your problems, don't just pray for them to go away.