The Astrological Spread

Difficulty: Complicated
The Astrological Tarot Spread is based upon houses of astrology. This complicated spread takes several steps to understand.
The first step is to interpret the tarot card for each individual position in the spread.
The second step involves further examination of the main axes. Positions 1 & 7 show the relationship theme, #1 representing the reader, #7 their partner. Positions 4 & 10 indicate motion. #4 indicates where the reader is now, and #10 suggests what they are moving towards.
The third step involves breaking down the chart into triads according to their house elements.
Positions 1, 5, & 9 represent the Fire triad, symbolising temperament and personal development.
Positions 2, 6, & 10 represent the Earth triad, concerned with materialism, money, and work.
Positions 3, 7, & 11 represent the Air triad, which has to do with thoughts, ideas, and connections with other people.
Positions 4, 8, & 12 represent the Water triad, the realm of emotions, moods, intuition, and yearnings.
Further, other patterns and correlations between certain numbers can be noted. Certain numbers such as the set of 5, 7, & 8 often speak about a particular theme.
Your Astrological Reading
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1: Basic Mood

4:00 – Card 5
Male, Air, Virgo.
A card of loneliness, disconnection and solitude. Also, a card of hope – If you have half of something it means the other half is out there somewhere. It may be far away, you may have to wade through the nastiest slums to find it, but when you do it's brilliant.
2: Finance

An homage to David Lynch. I don't know what divinatory meaning you might get out of a cowboy duel in a kitchen sink, but please do let me know if you find one.
Traditionally, it means romantic change is coming. If you're smart about it, for the better.
3: Mundane Life

D cups in this case. Don't be ashamed to enjoy your vices, and never regret the sins you enjoy.
4: Home

I have no clue what I was thinking on this one. No clue, but if this card comes into play, remember to watch the horizon.
5: Fun Things

In this case King Sargon of Akkad. A great ruler in his own time rarely even makes the history books in ours.
6: Work

Homage to Wagner. Brünnhilde lays asleep on the mountain surrounded by magic fire, waiting for Siegfried. Only he who wasn't afraid of Wotan's spear could pass the fire. And when that romance didn't work out, she burned down Valhalla and left Earth to the mortals.
Not everyone can have what they want. A man who can't sing isn't going to be the world's greatest singer. Know yourself, know what you can do, and don't squander what you have trying to win something you won't. But also know when to try, and what's worth never giving up on.
7: Partners

Why in Pulp Fiction did he go with a Samurai Sword? He had a damn Chainsaw! Half the swords in pawn shops are cheap crap that'll break if you try to use it, chainsaws are dangerous, vicious weapons. It would have been way wiser and way cooler if he went with the Chainsaw. Way cooler.
That aside: It's about sacrifice. Nothing's free and nothing ventured means nothing gained.
8: Hidden Aspects

The means by which you arrive are not necessarily the means by which you'll stay.
9: Higher Views

Something has to make the rain come down. It got up there but once there's enough of it, it falls back to Earth. It's not enough just to let it happen, if you want to understand you have to observe.
10: Reputation

The Vikings were once the most feared force on the northern seas, now they are remembered by statues, Swedish death metal, and Antonio Banderas movies. Do what you will to ensure your name, but once you're gone you have no control over what will become of it.
11: Friends

The BLOB! The blob has taken the streets! It's reproducing, the blob will kill us all!!! THE BLOOOOB!!!!!!!!!!
12: Hopes and Fears

'At the east of the garden of Eden he placed the Angel and a flaming sword that turned every direction to guard the way to the tree of life'. –Genesis 3:24